Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
