rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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