this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
