Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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