Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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