Redeem this text for a blowjob
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
