I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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