I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
