So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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