I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
