my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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