just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
