i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Houston, we have a squirter
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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