i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
