and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
