you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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