Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
