Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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