if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
