it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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