At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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