We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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