Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
