There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
