I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize