it was like his penis was on wheels.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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