if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
