Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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