is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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