I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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