Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
