so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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