he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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