Where is the hickey?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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