Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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