By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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