Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
