Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
