lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
