It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize