I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
