He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
