I hate your face
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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