My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
