But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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