It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
