In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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