I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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