Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
How external is "for external use only"?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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