I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
