we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
