I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
