can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
