I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
