I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
