i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
