I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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