im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
