Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
