how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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