your thong is hanging out like whoa
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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