It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You have to summon your inner elephant
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
