I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
