i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
