if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
