good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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