i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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