There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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