Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
