Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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