38 yer olds are good kisserssss
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
