This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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