I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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