Already got asked if we're dating
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I didn't notice because vodka
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
