I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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