He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
