WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
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