I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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