I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
