I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just want to make out with him forever
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
