the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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