i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
