I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
